For those of you out there that have always marvelled at or even envied Hillary Clinton’s ability to lie her way out of scandal after scandal we have good news. Now you can do it too.
PIcture being able to summon the ability to lie in all its forms including: deceiving, evading, exaggerating, distorting, deflecting, misinforming, misremembering, fibbing, misrepresenting, falsifying and equivocating?
Imagine that your back is to the wall with hostile interrogators like the FBI or DOJ wanting to know what happened or what you did or witnessed on certain dates or times. Like any normal person faced with serious criminal charges hanging in the balance, you would be sweating bullets.
Practically none of us could ever duplicate Hillary’s uncanny ability to effectively prevaricate in any and all dicy situations, why, because it’s in her DNA. But just because it’s in her genes doesn’t mean we can’t replicate her natural advantage whenever we want. How you say?
Announcing the most revolutionary drug since the invention of penicillin. Yes, now there’s the new miracle drug, Denyitall. Denyitall capsules begin taking full effect in less than 30 seconds and you will that quickly be able to lie as well as any politician, yes, including Bill Clinton.
Denyitall can be a life saver in low stakes situations like being called into the principles office for failure to turn in your cell phone before class, to the knee knocking terror of being summoned by the IRS to appear before a grand jury.
There are possible harmful side effects to taking Denyitall such as spontaneous yodelling, sudden rejection by your dog, a desire to break out into Greek dancing, sudden and excessive ear hair growth, heart burn, nausea, uncontrollable facial muscle twitching, constipation lasting up to 90 days, left leg limping on Wednesdays, periodic urges to study the mating rituals of ancient Druids, walking backwards down flights of stairs, obsessing over which sun block strength to use in bright moonlight and being possessed by an urge to filet Pandas.
Immediately consult your doctor if taking Denyitall causes you to claim that your mother named you after the first human to set foot on Mars, insist that you once spent a summer taunting Taliban snipers to do their worst while lobbing pulled pork sandwiches at them.
Remember, when you need to make like Hillary Clinton, and dodge truth telling at all costs, only Denyitall will do. Denyitall is also available for children in liquid form in both grape and cherry flavours.
Ask your doctor today if taking Denyitall is the right thing for you.